We introduced her on Facebook and Twitter earlier this week, and now we’re thrilled to post some of her writing live! We’re proud to formally introduce the amazing writings of contributor Jennie Gruber! Jennie is a writer, educator, interdisciplinary media-maker, queer punk, and true karaoke believer who has written for queer and sex-positive organizations across the world (you can find her full bio here). Jennie brings a love of sex education and conversation, and joins Speak About It in our passion for teaching healthy sexuality as a form of primary prevention. We’re looking forward to reading Jennie’s monthly post on the blog, and this is a great one to kick off the partnership, just in time for Valentine’s Day. Keep it sexy (and safe), y’all.
**As always, we acknowledge that not all of our readers or followers are having sex right now. That’s totally fine and a choice that each of us get to make, so if you’re not having sex right now, we hope that you’ll keep this information in mind for when you’re ready. Think of it as studying for an exam (except really, there’s no way to grade your success on this one. Ok maybe that was a bit of a reach..).
Five Simple Ways To Make Safer Sex Sexier
Here’s the thing about safer sex: it can be really difficult to do. We guarantee that in your lifetime you will hear countless people say, “condoms kill the mood,” or “it’s just awkward to talk about STI text results.” Perhaps you yourself have even uttered these words!
That’s why we put together this list of awesome ways you can tweak your outlook on safer sex, and maybe even make it something you look forward to.
1. Learn to put on a condom with your mouth.
If you and your partner enjoy blowjobs, then this simple trick can change the process of putting on the condom into a sex act itself, which can hopefully be fun and arousing for both of you. We recommend practicing on a banana or a clean sex toy. The trick is to hold the tip of the condom on the tip of the penis with your tongue, and roll it down the shaft by pushing with your lips. If you don’t like the taste of condoms, finding a glycerine-free flavored lube that’s to your taste can make the whole experience more like eating candy!
2. Turn conversations about STI status, birth control, desires, and boundaries into foreplay.
It’s important to have certain conversations before getting it on. When was the last time you were both tested? Do you have an STI? Are you having a break out? What kinds of birth control do you use? And also, what do you like to do in bed? What are you not in the mood for?
Sex is full of possibilities and uncertainties – so the more you know about yourself and your partner, the more you can let go! It’s important to have these conversations before your clothes come off – we all know we don’t think or speak or judge that clearly when our blood starts flowing below the belt instead of above the neck! Yet these conversations can be arousing, if for no other reason than the fact that one uncertainty is made clear: you both want to go to bed with one another!
3. Prepare for a date together:
Get your nails done together, whether you prefer a shimmery purple or a matte clear, manis can be a relaxing way to pamper yourself. When you’re having sex with your hands, making sure your hands are smooth can help prevent breakage and UTIs. You can also shower together, especially if you’re going to do any anal play: when you scrub one another, you’ll know you’re both smelling fresh and reducing bacteria. You can also get tested together, go shopping for condoms and lube, or even shop for sex toys and porn on a date!
4. Make your own bedside container and travel kit
We know it’s not smart to store condoms in our wallets or glove compartments where they can become damaged. But having a special box by the bedside table is a great, no excuses way to ensure your safer sex stuff is well-stocked and accessible. Maybe you can use an old wooden cigar box, or adorn a pencil case with rhinestones. A stainless steel soap dispenser can be filled with lube, or one special duffle bag can be filled with everything you’ll need for a date. Make safer sex a part of the personality of your room and individual style!
5. Incorporate barriers and lube into your masturbation routine
This one’s so simple it seems like it might be obvious – but it’s not. If condoms and dental dams or even lube feel distracting during partner sex, get used to how they feel when you’re having a Me Party! This is a mind over matter sort of deal. Condition yourself to associate safer sex with all the comforts and pressure-free elements of having sex with yourself. It can also make for easier clean-up! Before you know it, you may be reaching for those things when you’re aroused without even realizing it, which can contribute to a safer, happier, healthier sex life.